A Trip to the Zoo
by AGLG-Irvine
Summary: The FFVIII crew takes a trip to the Zoo. R&R please.


Disclaimer: Don't own.yadayadayada.FF8.blahblahblah, blah blah blah blah, or any of Squaresoft's trademarks. Did ya get that? Ahhhh, who cares?  
  
First I feel that I must tell you why this story was written. My friend (Joseph, or Jo-Jo) read my first Fan-Fiction, Haunted House, and saw that I was a decent writer. So he decided to challenge me with a.ummm.challenge. The challenge was to write a fan-fiction with five stipulations. The stipulations were:  
  
Someone dies The story contains a Big Hairy Ape (referred to as BHA) The story contains his cat named Whiskers There must be at least one count of Yamcha bashing Squall must say to Selphie, "Nice shoes. Wanna screw?"  
  
And with that out of the way, the story will now begin. Enjoy!  
  
Scene 1: Balamb Garden  
  
It was a bright and sunny day at Balamb Garden and everyone (being the main characters of Final Fantasy Eight) was given the day off. Unfortunately, none of them could think of anything to do. So they all sat in the wreck room trying to think of something, ANYTHING, to waste the hours.  
  
Zell: We could watch TV?  
  
Squall: Nothing's on.  
  
Zell: Sure there is! A "Friends" Marathon is on today!  
  
Seifer was sitting on a rounded couch in his usual trademark position, consisting of one leg over the opposite knee with his hands thrown over the back of whatever he was sitting on, in the corner by himself. But when Zell showed interest in a "Friends" Marathon, Seifer just HAD to bust out laughing. In fact, this was probably the only time any of them had seen Seifer cry.  
  
Zell: What, "Friends" is cool right? Right Quist?  
  
Quistis just looked away like she hadn't heard Zell at all.  
  
Zell: What? Jennifer Anniston? Courtney Cox? Lisa Kudro?  
  
Irvine's smile got bigger and bigger with the mention of each name and Zell noticed.  
  
Zell: Yeah that's right Irvine. And Matthew Perry, and Matt le Blanc. What about that David Schwimmer?  
  
And so Irvine gave him a disgusted look and went about ignoring him, like the rest of the party. Zell did the only thing he could do, sigh and bury his face in his hands.  
  
Selphie: I know! We could go to the zoo!  
  
Rinoa: Now that sounds like a good idea.  
  
Squall: Best one we've got so far.  
  
Irvine: I'm for it.  
  
Quistis: It sounds enjoyable.  
  
Seifer: Huff, could be worse, I guess.  
  
Zell had decided he needed to chime in as well, and so he did.  
  
Zell: But."Friends".?  
  
Irvine: Ahh, get up ya loser.  
  
Selphie and Irvine both grabbed an arm and drug Zell out the door.  
  
  
  
Scene 2: The Zoo  
  
The crew was walking down the paved walkways looking at all the different exotic animals. There were Bug Bites, Elastoids and even a T-Rexuar! One particular animal caught their eye and made them stop.  
  
Rinoa: Whoa! What is it?  
  
Selphie: It's huge!  
  
Squall: It looks like a Wendigo.  
  
Zell: I remember Wendigos! You had to steal steel pipes from them! Did anyone else ever find that funny? You have to STEAL STEEL pipes! They're like, the SAME word!  
  
Instead of ignoring him, everyone, including people just visiting the zoo, looked at Zell.  
  
Zell: You know.steal.and.steel.like the pipes.  
  
Irvine: It's called Mug you retard! Only spiky blonde haired guys with swords bigger than their own body use the word STEAL! Duh!  
  
Irvine gave a tone that made you think he was going to bust out into a huge "Like, OHMIGOD!"  
  
Seifer: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with the cowboy.  
  
Zell just hung his head in shame once more. A moment later, Quistis broke the awkward silence.  
  
Quistis: Well the sign says it's a Big Hairy Ape. Most other animals don't enjoy its company.  
  
Rinoa: I can tell!  
  
And it is only now that we notice Rinoa is having to hold her dog, Angelo, back from jumping into the cage and taking a big bite out of the monkey. Angelo growls and barks as Rinoa uses all her weight to keep the large dog down. So as the dog barks, the Ape growls, bark, growl, bark, growl CRACK! The ape just HAD to go and break the cage down and viciously attack the dog didn't he?  
  
Irvine: OH SWEET LORD!  
  
Zell: It's gonna EAT ME!  
  
But before the Big Hairy Ape could use the devour command on Zell, Seifer took it's head off with swift gunblade swing.  
  
Selphie: BOOYAHKA!  
  
Quistis: Whoa...that was...  
  
Irvine: SWEET!  
  
Quistis: I was thinking more like...Oh, I don't know.  
  
Seifer just shrugged and cleaned his blade of the primate's blood as everyone stood about the giant gapping hole in the monkey's cage.  
  
Rinoa: That just reminded me of one of my old boyfriends.  
  
Zell: Ummm.Rinoa.how did bTHAT/b remind you of an old boyfriend?  
  
Zell of course points to the dead, headless and bleeding ape on the ground.  
  
Rinoa: Well, it was nothing serious, just a couple of days.  
  
Selphie: What happened?  
  
Squall: Yeah. What happened?  
  
Rinoa: Well, his name was Joseph. Everyone called him Jo-Jo. Anyway, he had this cat named Whiskers and the first time Whiskers and Angelo met, they just went at it.  
  
Zell: Cool.  
  
Irvine: Who won?  
  
Rinoa: The poor cat was hospitalized. I toooooold him not to use Angelo Rush, but he just didn't listen.  
  
Quistis: Once I had a boyfriend. His name was Yamcha.  
  
Seifer: Okay...?  
  
Quistis: Well, he was just gay.  
  
Squall: That was a little off the subject.  
  
Quistis: I felt that it needed to be said. He was just sooo gay it wasn't funny.  
  
Irvine: Is that so...?  
  
Quistis: Yep.  
  
Selphie: Well then. I'll keep that in mind.  
  
Everyone gives Quistis a suspicious eye as if to say, "Okay Quistis. If you say so."  
  
Squall: That reminds me. Selphie, nice shoes. Wanna screw?  
  
And the nunchuku shot that followed was inevitable.  
  
Scene 3: Dr. Kadawoski's Office  
  
The whole crew surrounded the small bed in the medical facility. Squall lay on the bed with eyes closed and blood dried on his forehead.  
  
Rinoa: Is he gonna be all right?  
  
Dr. Kadawoski: Actually, he's dead.  
  
Selphie: Serves 'em right!  
  
Seifer: Well, does anyone have a Full-Life on them?  
  
Everyone looks around at everyone else who shrugs.  
  
Seifer: Just regular Life?  
  
Irvine: Well, I do, but it's junctioned to my chick-magnetism stat.  
  
Selphie comes over and drapes herself over Irvine's shoulders.  
  
Selphie: You must have a hundred junctioned.  
  
Irvine: Actually I do.  
  
Rinoa: And you can't spare ONE?!  
  
Irvine: And sacrifice this look? Pfft! You crazy girl?  
  
Seifer: Come on, someone HAS to have something to revive him with. A Phoenix Down?  
  
Zell: I think the Headmaster has one in his office for emergencies.  
  
Seifer: I'd say this is an emergency. Go get it!  
  
Zell: That's all the way on the third floor. Too LAZY! Ain't no way I'm getting that thing, not when it's ALL the way up there.  
  
Quistis: We have elevators you know.  
  
Zell: And press all those buttons? I don't think so.  
  
Seifer: .So we have no way to bring him back?  
  
Selphie: Looks like it.  
  
Rinoa: Oh well. I wanted to watch "Friends" anyway.  
  
Irvine: Now THAT sounds like an idea.  
  
Seifer: Right on!  
  
Quistis: Lets go! I hear there's a Marathon on today!  
  
Everyone walked out of the doctor's office and left Zell there to scoop his jaw off the floor.  
  
The End  
  
Thanks for reading. If you want to review go right on ahead and tell me what you think. It was mostly for fun, I hope everyone enjoyed it. If good reviews come, I'll probably try and do more of these little things. In fact, if anyone has any ideas for the five stipulations send those too. I'd love to look over them and I'll probably end up writing them. Thanks again guys.  
  
P.S. This really has to be said. I want to thank Brandie Michelle Williams for all she has done as a proofreader. I may have the ideas in my head, but the type-o demons haunt me like crazy. But Brandie puts up with it, she fixes it, and she does it all as nothing but a favor. I love you to death and you definatly deserve your props. So lets hear it for BRANDIE WILLIAMS! [Insert Applause, Cheering and signs that say, "Brandie, will you have my baby?"] 


End file.
